4.11.08

Lions and Tigers and Pregnancy, OH MY!

I had a nightmare last night.
It started out as an ambiguous, but innocuous dream, I was at my old house in Kansas City, busily running around doing work and feeling kind of stressed and then I got a phone call.
I answered the phone and a female voice said, "I have your test results."
"This is the last thing I need right now," I sighed.
"You're pregnant," she said.
"Oh crap . . . What is it?", I said with a feeling of dread although I wasn't shocked for some reason.
"It's a boy," she said and hung up.
Well I was not pleased with the news, I went in the other room and my sister was there with her husband, I told them what had happened, and they were happy for me despite my obvious distaste for the idea. Then I told my Mom and she took me to the doctor's office.
The next thing I knew my stomach was huge and I was all alone in a hospital room and although I wasn't feeling any pain I knew the baby was coming. I called for my Mom and the Doctor over and over but nobody came. I was terrified and I started crying, I knew that I was going to be in some serious pain soon, so serious that having a needle shoved into my spine would be a welcome relief. I started crying even harder picturing the needle so I called louder for anybody to come help me because I was having a baby and I was all alone, and then I woke up.
I was still crying and filled with terror and complete despair over the fact that I was going to have a baby and it was going to really hurt and I was going to get stretch marks, and no one would be there to help me.
I guess I should mention that I'm married, but I am NOT pregnant and don't plan to be for awhile, but I was so distressed and tired that I was convinced that I was so I turned to my sleeping husband and hit him in the arm because it was obviously his fault; I was pregnant and in the hospital and he wasn't there - in my book it's two strikes you're out in this situation.
Thinking about this harder, I realized that it is kind of odd that I have bad dreams that wake me up in tears about pregnancy. Does this mean that getting pregnant is my greatest fear? I think at this point in my life, it is.
I want to say that I am looking forward to having children, but obviously I am not quite mature enough yet because it scares me so much that it makes me cry and hit people.

1 comment:

annie (the annilygreen one) said...

well, i'm glad we were supportive! and the stretch marks could be worse...they could be on you face.