I had a nightmare last night.
It started out as an ambiguous, but innocuous dream, I was at my old house in Kansas City, busily running around doing work and feeling kind of stressed and then I got a phone call.
I answered the phone and a female voice said, "I have your test results."
"This is the last thing I need right now," I sighed.
"You're pregnant," she said.
"Oh crap . . . What is it?", I said with a feeling of dread although I wasn't shocked for some reason.
"It's a boy," she said and hung up.
Well I was not pleased with the news, I went in the other room and my sister was there with her husband, I told them what had happened, and they were happy for me despite my obvious distaste for the idea. Then I told my Mom and she took me to the doctor's office.
The next thing I knew my stomach was huge and I was all alone in a hospital room and although I wasn't feeling any pain I knew the baby was coming. I called for my Mom and the Doctor over and over but nobody came. I was terrified and I started crying, I knew that I was going to be in some serious pain soon, so serious that having a needle shoved into my spine would be a welcome relief. I started crying even harder picturing the needle so I called louder for anybody to come help me because I was having a baby and I was all alone, and then I woke up.
I was still crying and filled with terror and complete despair over the fact that I was going to have a baby and it was going to really hurt and I was going to get stretch marks, and no one would be there to help me.
I guess I should mention that I'm married, but I am NOT pregnant and don't plan to be for awhile, but I was so distressed and tired that I was convinced that I was so I turned to my sleeping husband and hit him in the arm because it was obviously his fault; I was pregnant and in the hospital and he wasn't there - in my book it's two strikes you're out in this situation.
Thinking about this harder, I realized that it is kind of odd that I have bad dreams that wake me up in tears about pregnancy. Does this mean that getting pregnant is my greatest fear? I think at this point in my life, it is.
I want to say that I am looking forward to having children, but obviously I am not quite mature enough yet because it scares me so much that it makes me cry and hit people.
well, i'm glad we were supportive! and the stretch marks could be worse...they could be on you face.
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